So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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