She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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