She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
