You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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