im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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