apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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