I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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