My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
