should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
