3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
