coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
