The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
