Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
We're too hungover to prance.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
