It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
