I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
