I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
