OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
