I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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