If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
