"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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