i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
