You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
