dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
