i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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