the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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