I accidentally had phone sex last night
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
