I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
there is puke in my bra ... again
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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