so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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