Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
