had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize