Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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