So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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