Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize