it's great music for shaving your balls
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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