kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
