she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
