I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I wish life had little blips of pornography
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize