that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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