32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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