I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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