ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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