i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
