I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
