How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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