I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
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