how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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