this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
