Non-Jews are for practice
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
