How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
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