its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
