wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
