At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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