It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
BRING THE BAGELS
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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