If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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