I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
