xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Too much gin, very little bucket
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
