Its about making memories worth repressing
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
