I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
