called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
