Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
