Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
You're completely useless in the revolution.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
