No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
