ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
