i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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