did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
