She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
