Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
