Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
