Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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