Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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