I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
