I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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