I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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