I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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