What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Randomize
