After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize